Guy "D"

Lai met "D" on gaydar, then they chatted on msn for quite a few months. At that time, Lai tried to recover from breaking up with "I", "D" just broke up with his long time partner as well . So they have a lot to talk about. "D" is a very fit Italian guy. His profile is full of professional pictures. "D" told Lai he used to be a model and he does acting as well. Soon they set up a date to meet up.


When they finally meet up for coffee, "D" suddenly said, "I know "I" ,we used to be friends, we even had 3p before.. ", "What?"Lai was shocked, what a small world.

"D" told Lai a lot about "I" . Yes, "I" used to hangout around gay scene a lot, but then he suddenly disappeared, nobody knows why, they have not seen him for quite a while., bla blabla... As a lot of detail were matched , Lai know "D" did not lie.

"D" lives in a council flat, there are many nude male pictures hanging on the wall. "Who is this?" Lai asked, pointed to one picture, "Oh, that is me, 10 years ago", Dan laughed. "I used to be a model". "D" showed Lai a lot of pictures, most for calendar, postcard, magazine etc. full of his pictures. One of them made Lai laugh, "Best butt of 1993", that cover basically is "D"'s butt in a Levis jean,"See, this is my name"."D" pointed out the small print underneath the picture proudly.

"D" is a very experienced gay man, in and out of relationships, he just got divorced from his partner recently. To Lai's surprise, "D" seems does not work, every time Lai visited him, they got up at late morning, then went to a park after brunch, it felt great when you lying on the grassland enjoy the sunshine, but you cannot do that everyday, can you? It is totally different experience from "I", as "I" can not sit down for one minute, he has to do something, to some extent, this did motivate Lai in many ways. Lai learned a lot from "I", he respect people like "I".

However, with "D", things are totally opposite. Everything is in slow monition. Soon Lai found out, as "D" getting older, he can not get enough jobs as model and actor as before, thus he struggle about his finance. But he refused to do any normal jobs, which Lai can not understand. Gradually "D" told Lai a lot, his real age is 44, which really shocked Lai, as "D" look like a 25 years old, "How did you manage that?" "No idea, i think it is genetic, all my friends call me 'Peter Pan'". "D" not only did modeling, he used to be a stripper as well, and he even did gay porn. Lai is stunned. He did not think he will go out with "D" if he know this beforehand. As Lai really look down on guys who sell their bodies. If a girl did that, he might understand, she need to survive. But how can a man do that? "I would rather clean a toilet." Lai commented. "Yeah, there are a lot of reasons, you just have not been there yet." "D" seems quite proud of his experience, he even showed Lai a private tape which features one of his ex, a now famous Falcon gay porn star send to him as a gift.

But this experience did change some ideas for Lai, he know "D" is a nice fellow, although a lot happened before, deep down he is very romantic, dying for his Mr. Right. Physically, Lai does like "D" and the sex is great. Actually, Lai should thank "D" for boost his confidence. As Lai always worried that oriental guys normal do not have big tool as white guys, someone so experienced like "D" should be difficult to be pleased sexually. However, once in bed, things are totally out of expectation, "D" has to beg him to stop," i can not take it any longer.. ""D" complained, "My arse is broken," "How come? you slept with some big guys i think.." "yeah, i know, but i can not take it so long, it is already 45 minutes now, it does not feel pleasure any more. Please give me a break, you horny rabbit!". Lai smiled, he was quite pleased about the nickname.

However, only physical attraction is not enough in a relationship, there is something missing. Lai really did not like the way "D" live his life, way too negative. Meanwhile, there are many small things bother him as well.

When they just knew each other for a few weeks, "D" walked him off to the train station. "D" wanted Lai to kiss him in the public. Lai refused, " I can not do that, even when i was with my girl friend, i can not do that. I do not want public attention". "Yes, but i am Italian, we are full of passion". "That is right, but i am Chinese, we do not like to show off our emotion, if i love someone, why i have to show it to public? there are tons of ways to prove my love".


Anyway, argue like this happened a lot. when they were sitting in park, "D" want to take some pictures, so he asked Lai to take off the top, thus everyone were staring these two naked muscle man cuddling in a park. Consider Lai just accepted his sexuality, as a natural shy person, this does made him uncomfortable. He did all "D" want, but he just feel awkward.

Soon these kind of argue happened more and more, finally Lai think he had enough, they broke up. "I do not know why you are so attached to "I", i am far better looking than him","D" said. Well, Lai can not explain, but to some extent, Lai feel relived, it is finally over.

A few years later, when Lai was updating his msn profile pictures, he suddenly got msg from "D", maybe those half naked sexy pictures caught his attention. However, all Lai want to do it is be polite and say hello.

Guy "I"

There is a scar On Lai's right hand, which remind him Guy "I" .


"I" is the first guy Lai fallen in love with, thus there is always a place belong to him in Lai's heart. Lai meet "I" on a very small website. Even today, Lai can still vividly remembered the first time he saw "I" 's pic on his profile. "I" wears a cowboy hat half naked sitting on the beach, smiling..

"what a handsome guy, what a torso",Lai think, "he is possibly the hottest guy on this site". Which is very true, that small site is full of 40 something guys who are out of shape. Lai made some nice friends there, but that is first time he saw someone so physically attractive there.

"well, guys like that will never interested in me", Lai think.

However, ten minutes later, Lai got a message, "Hi, how are you mate? I am "I" , interested?".

15 minutes later, they were chatting on the phone, happily laughing, like old friends. They soon set a date to meet up. As that time, Lai still lives in a town outside London, and "I" has to visit his family for Xmas.

A few days late, Lai got a message on his phone, it is from "I" . " Hi Lai, please give me a call sometimes,i miss you very much..."

It made Lai's heart feels melting, he think,"God, i am going to fallen in love...".


On the day they met, Lai was nervously waiting at the tube station. he was a little surprised when "I" shown up in his running gear. Forgot to mention, "I" is a crazy sport fan. He gets up at 5am everyday running for one hour, goes to gym after finishing work. In weekends, he is busy training for Marathon.

"You are very handsome! " this is the first thing "I" said to Lai. He tried to comb his hair with hands in the reflection of a car, hoping Lai will like his look as well. "Thanks," Lai blushed, he is very shy, esp. in front of such a sexy man.

They went to have coffee, "I" winked to Lai a lot, flirting, but Lai does not how to response. He just keep smiling, very quiet.

Soon Lai found himself sitting in the sofa of "I" s' flat. He was really impressed by the tidiness of the flat, it just does not like a single man's flat, too clean, everything... "I" even put his TV in a cupboard, which really amused Lai.

When "I" began to strok Lai's arm, Lai nervously sit there, did not know how to respond. He never experienced this before. Suddenly he said," Should we go to bed instead?", " Are you sure?"

Soon they were naked, "You got very nice body", "I" said, "just need a little extra work you will be smoking hot". "Thanks, i hope i can have a body like yours", Lai said.

"I" invited Lai to join him, but Lai stood there, does not know what he should do, although he watched quite a lot of gay porn, he had no successful gay sexual experience at all.

"No, move done, done a little bit", "I" teaching him. He changed into different positions, looking at Lai and encouraging him to try. Finally it worked, staring at "I" 's six pack, all Lai think is, " Maybe i am not gay, otherwise why i do not feel any physical pleasure shagging such a sexy man? "

A while later, "I" asked to stop, "It really hurts," he said, "you know, i have not done this for ages. Can you cuddle me for a while?" Soon "I" fallen asleep in Lai's hug. He snored slightly, simling. Lai did not sleep, he watched that handsome face lying on his arm, felt he is the happiest man in the world...

"Do you want to meet again?" "Absolutely," "I" kissed Lai, "will you be my fuck buddy?"Lai is stunned, he did not know exactly what that means, but he can guess.

In the following weeks, Lai just can not get "I" out of his mind, he constantly thinking about him, finally he decide to write him a letter, it cost three days to write. Soon "I" answered, told him not to rush into anything, take things slowly. He suggest Lai to experience the gay world, meet more guys, have more sex, do not confuse sex with love.

However Lai grows up in totally different culture, he knows nothing about gay relationship at all. As a romantic person, he began to treat "I" as his girl friend, he naively think, like a guy meet a girl, if they like each other, then they become bf and gf, they will not date anyone else, until things work out finally. He took all the chance to express his love towards "I", wrote him love poem, bought him gift, staring at his eyes when they having dinners. Soon he noticed, unlike those girls, "I" began to avoid him.

One day, "I" suddenly said, "you know, i really like you. and i was really flattered you like me, but i just think it is too quick, i think we should stay as friends, meet regularly but i do not think i will have sex with you any more, i am afraid you will go too far, i do not want to hurt you. If one day i suddenly left, what will you do?"

Lai is very sad. at that time, he is just far too naive to understand gay relationship, he was deeply fallen in love.Actually, he never had such strong feeling towards anyone before, in his life.

In this relationship, Lai become the one who is weaker and weaker, he is too afraid to lose "I" . Meanwhile, culture difference also began to cause problems, as they grow up in different backgrounds, they began to argue a lot. What annoyed Lai most is, "I" never concede, Lai is the one stop the fight every time. Lai is really unhappy about this, but he think that may be the cost of love.

That day finally comes, after a nice dinner in "I" 's flat, they cuddled in sofa watching TV. Suddenly "I" said, "my shoulder hurts, can you give me a massage?" "Sure, my pleasure, "Lai is a keen massage student, as he just bought a DVD about how to massage for gay couples.

"I" laid down on his tummy. Lai began to massage every single muscle of his back, "Wow, you are really good, that feels so nice," "I" said, gradually, "I" began to moan slightly. After a while, Lai said, "Turn around, i gonna do the other side". "No!" "I" suddenly stood up, " You just want sex! i told you before, we should not have sex anymore, please leave, i will call you tomorrow."

Lai did not know what happened, but he noticed, "I" was aroused, maybe because the massage, Lai did not know what to say, he genuinely did not think about sex that day, it was just a massage. However, when "I" asked him to leave, Lai suddenly bursted. His face become extremely red, "Fine, maybe i am not good enough for you then! leave me alone, good luck !" He try to shake to "I"'s hand to say goodbye. It is the first time "I" see Lai so angry, he avoided the handshake, "Please do not be angry, i will walk you to the station".

They walked silently, when the bus come, Lai turned around and said, "So this is it...bye. " "Please do not say that.""I" tried. Lai got on the bus, told himself not to look back...suddenly tears dropped, although he try to hold himself.

"I" sit at the bus stop sadly, after the bus left ...

The following day, "I" called, "Hi baby, are you alright now?" However, Lai was still upset, after all the effort he put, he was deeply hurted. As more argue went on..."I" said, "it is just too much pressure". Finally, they decided not call each other any more.

Lai went to the kitchen, cut a mark on his right hand, this will remind him what gay man is like, remind him his first gay love.

Now looking back, Lai really laughed at himself. People really do stupid things when they are in love, he can understand "I"'s behavior a lot now, esp. after he was put into the same positions a few times later. He missed "I" a lot in the first a few months. All his friends think he was just obsessed about "I", one said, "You actually do not love him, you just love the feeling to be in love with someone!" Lai think, "Is that true?" Maybe, but he wonder he will love someone like that any more.

However, time is the best cure. He soon moved on with his life. A few years later, he come across "I"'s gaydar profile. Lai recognized "I". He staring at those pictures, "Is this the man i used to love?" "I"aged a lot. He seems lost a lot weight, his muscle shrink a lot, like a totally different person...

Lai looked at that familar face, suddenly tears dropped...