Thinking about Coming Out

Lai is thinking about coming out to his parent, as English is not his native Lanuage. He struggle to express himself, but he tried his best.

Dear mum,

The traditional Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival is coming, Like ancient Chinese poem said, “For the lonely stranger in a strange land, It is on the festival occasions when I miss my dear most.” However, this festival is the important of the important. It is Mid-Autumn Festival!

I know the red lanterns will be hung everywhere on the street, I know every family member will try to back home for reunion, I know there will be a big dinner party, I know you will be eating lunar cake while enjoying the beauty of the bright silver moon. I know you will cut a slice of the cake in advance, leave it for me. I know no matter where I am, how old I am, you are always worrying about me.

People say the round lunar cakes symbolise the best wishes for family reunion. When there is a slice missing, it is not round any more. People say when there is a family member away, the bright silver moon is not full and bright as before.

Raising my head, I see the moon so bright, same as I can remember since as a child. But this time I am all alone. Who will help you to light the lanterns this year, and who will go to see the dragon dance with you? I wish that moon of hometown is dear and bright. I wish I could eat my favourite dish you cooked once more, I wish you know my heart, will always be there with you.

Mum, I still remember the poem you taught me when I was only 5.

“The thread in the hands of a fond-hearted mother

Makes clothes for the body of her wayward boy;

Carefully she sews and thoroughly she mends,

Dreading the delays that will keep him late from home.”

People say” You should never travel long journey when your parents still alive". However, as your undutiful son, not only I travelled far, but I could not go back to you. You always ask me why , why?

Every time, I try to pick up the coverage to tell you the truth, but I know your age is not lived but survived, your are pining away ,I could not, I could not confront your eyes with expectation, how could I do this? How could I bear to hurt you more?

Mum, I wish I could bring my beautiful Japanese GF to visit you, I wish I could give you sunny smile by a new born grandson, I wish, I wish I could live next to you and take care of you forever, but… I could not.

Mum,I do not want to lie to you any more, I do not want to live double life any more. Every single day I was tortured by the same question. Mum, this is something out of my control, hope you can understand it…..

Mum, please forgive me!