some update

Guy "R" messaged Lai twice, "....I am high on GHB, want to join?...." Lai politely refused.

Lai shagged a slim young east European guy. His picture looks not bad, Lai is horny and really tired of wanking. After this guy MSG him again and again, Lai finally agreed, but he soon found there is not much physical attraction. The guy is far too slim and too shy, Lai even can not stay hard during the sex, it is possible one of his worst experience.

A muscular American guy messaged a few times want to meet. But he got lost on his way to Lai' s place. The following day he msg again, but Lai has no time, do not know they can manage to find another time.

Last week Lai also met a cute muscular Irish guy. Somehow Lai always like Irish guys, main reason maybe his best sex was with an Irish guy, who gave him the best blowjob, and Lai still remember how his bubble butt looks like even now. Furthermore, Lai's ex-flatmate is also Irish, very genuine nice bloke, whom Lai really adore.


That is a sunny afternoon, Lai sit in the Cafe Nero in Soho, waiting for his date while enjoy browsing hot guys around. As Lai has extremely bad gaydar, he just can not tell someone is gay or not. e.g. He always think he is the only gay in his gym, in the university as well. But when he is in Soho. Haha, he smiled, talked to himself, mmm, this guy is gay, that one must be gay as well.... Gay guys do dress differently, at least Lai can tell them apart in Soho, haha...


So Lai was there enjoy counting hot muscular guys. mmm, this one is nice, he think, that one is even better, why they all wear sun glasses and tight vest?.... when he counted to No.3. To him surprise, this guy walked straight into the Cafe, stopped in front of him. "Hi Lai, sorry to keep your waiting..." Lai did not expect that, he try to recover from his muscle guy counting game.. "I know it was you, Lai, even you are wearing sun glasses!" They talked for quite a while, walking around Soho. Even walked in a church. He is very talkative, experienced, seems a nice bloke. Lai think,"he is kinda cute, i would not mind give him a kiss.." And obviously this guy seems fancy Lai, as he keep trying to have small body contact with Lai. Lai is ok for that, but he still felt at little uncomfortable to do that in public, even it is in Soho.

After he backed home, Lai sent him a MSG on the website, but no response. Lai checked again, why he still not login the site yet?

Guy "R"

Lai chatted with "R" on a few websites. But normally after a few msg exchanged, "R" disappeared. Then suddenly he would come from nowhere, began to send msg again. Lai does not know what going on, he does not care too much neither. He just enjoy the chatting.

One day, "R" suddenly invited him to meet up. "Sure, why not, i am in my holiday now, a lot of time to kill". Lai answered.

When Lai was waiting at the station. He saw a very funky black car stopped in front of him. Lai knows nothing about cars, but he can tell this one must be rare. A guy walked out, looked at him, similing, but a little hesitated, "Do you think i am alright?" He asked. He is in his late 40s. Lai normally attracted to guys look like men instead of boys. Thus guys aged a little seems very sexy to him. However, he never hang out with someone in that age....

"R" was wearing a black shirt, tucked in his jeans, all the buttons of shirts are undone, a perfect muscular chest was fully exposed. Lai smiled and walked into the car.

They stopped at a very luxury white house. Lai had seen some nice houses before, but this one stunned him. Once get in, he noticed, there are all kinds of oil painting, and strange decoration everywhere. However, the house seems not been well looked after, you can tell the host is a little careless. Lai always has the attention to detail.

"What do you do for living if i may ask?"Lai asked. "oh, guess", "R" seems a little embarrassed. "banker? doctor? journalist? fashion designer.... " after a long list of jobs Lai can think about. "R" said, "i have some business, like property develop etc." "ah, no wander" Lai think.

Strangely "R" seems a little nervous. "You think i am alright?" he took off his shirt, try to impress Lai, "Yes, you got a nice body." " Thanks, you know i could not believe my luck" "R" said. "You are very hunky, actually i was expecting an oriental twink" ,"So you want me to leave then?" Lai teased him. "No No, please stay, let me get you some food" Soon Lai was enjoying some cocktail and cookies. Their topic soon moved to bodybuilding. As Lai expected, "R" is steroids user. But he was shocked when "R" told him that he spend more than £1000 on his personal trainer every month, nearly 4 years now.

"If my trainer trains you, or even i train you, i bet you will have huge chest like me in no time" "R" said. "Yeah, I am shy, i never talked to anyone in the gym, thus i always train by myself, even without a spotter" Lai said. It is true, if he had that sort of money, Lai definitely can do a lot things he want.

However the following topics made Lai a little restless. "R" asked him whether he used drugs for sex. Grow up, Lai is always a good kid. Do not smoke, do not drink, let alone drugs. "So what kinda drugs do you use?" Lai asked. "R" told him a long list of name, except the first one, Cocaine, Lai had never heard about the rest. "Many people use it, even my straight friends use it just for social." He try to encourage Lai. However, as Lai was educated only criminals using drugs, he found difficult to accept that, but he did know some of his friends tried drugs before. Back in university, his professor even told Lai that he once tried some drugs. Thus Lai is curious, but he is also quite scared. Aware of his hesitate, "R" joked, "Maybe you are a little bit too straight, too conservative for me".

They soon got undressed and moved to the bedroom. "R" kissed and massaged Lai gently, "This is first time, we do not need to rush to anything. Next time we can try something more fun, you know i have a chill room upstairs, if you know what i mean". On one hand, "R" is such a sweet guy, he cuddle and lay on top of Lai, kissed him for ages. On the other hand, he kept trying to persuade Lai to try drugs next time. "The sex will be ten times better, i will do all sort of things for you, you will never forget it. At least you should try it..." Thinking about all these, Lai could not perform well like usual. However, he finanlly managed not to disappointed "R".


As a boy friend is too far away to dream about it, Lai, is always thinking to find a suitable fuck buddy. He does not like sleep around. and he does believe sex can be much better once you know your partner better. "R" is a good candidate for his fuck buddy. He got nice body, very sexual experienced, seems a decent middle class guy can hold some deep conversation. Lai is curious and willing to try new experience, but he really does not know can he trust "R" or not.

That night, "R" drove Lai back, kissed him goodbye. "I am busy next week for some business, will give you a call in two weeks. we gonna meet again."

Will they? Lai doubted.

Guy "C"

"C" is a guy Lai recently met. Although he noticed "C"'s profile years ago. That is a small website normally for Asian guys and rice queen. Full of middle age out of shape Caucasian men. Among them, "C" is really an eye candy. There is no face picture in his profile, just a torso, a beautiful sexy man's torso, great pecs, six packs, and big biceps. Lai read the profile, mmm, "He seems a really nice guy". However, Lai sent a few messages," Hi, would you like to meet for coffee? " no response. ok, he is not interested then, fair enough.

One day when Lai was randomly browsing profiles, he noticed "C" is online, "Ah, never seen him online before", Lai sent him a msg, "hi, do you want to hook up sometime? " As Lai is normally more traditional shy guy, does not sleep around a lot, thus he seldom sent message like this. However, he did notice, the coffee approach normally only can get about 30% response,the hook up invitation almost succeed every time.

It worked again this time, two minutes later, "C" responed,"Yes, where are you? here is my number..."

When Lai waiting anxiously at the train station, this smiley tall German guy came to greet him. "Wow, you are really tall, how tall are you?"Lai asked. "I am 6 feet 4", he smiled again. At first Lai did not feel any chemistry towards "C". But soon he noticed "C" is very friendly considerate guy......

"C" bought some food and they heading to his flat. Soon Lai sitting in the couch enjoying some white wine, "C" began to feed Lai chocolate, cookies, all kind of food, but he did not talk a lot, just sit there staring at Lai, smiling. "You are even shyer than me", Lai said, "maybe", "Are you disappointed?" "No, not at all", "C" smiled again. what a sweet boy, Lai suddenly found him very attractive. "So do you mind i stay here tonight? ","No, please stay, but i have some work to do first, if you do not mind waiting for a while".

Lai normally is the shy one when he met guys, but this time he think he should make the first move to break the ice. So he said, "Don't you want to give me a hug? ""Oh, yes, I am dying for that, you know you are very cuddleable man,mmm, that feels great". Soon "C" was busy stroking Lai's chest and arms, "mmm, you are massive, so big, everywhere is so big". Lai can not help laughing, considering a 6 feet 4 guy think a 5feet 8 guy massive.

There is a old chair in the sitting room, it swing forward and backward, like a cradle. Lai sit on it, and found it very interesting and really comfortable. "C" grabbed a small stool sit in front of him, and lying on Lai' chest, put Lai's arms around him, and closed his eyes. "mmm", he said, "feels great". They swing for quite a while, "C" said, "Damn, we are already like an old couple". "What a sweet guy", Lai laughed.

As "C" has to prepare his job interview, Lai sit quietly in the corner reading newspaper, waiting, occasionally he looked up and watching "C" while he is working on his laptop. Lai found his side face looks very handsome and masculine. Lai sitting here to watching him.... Finally Lai stood up, walked towards "C", he standing behind "C", put his left hand on "C"'s shoulder.

"I am almost finished", "C" smiled, he reached Lai's left hands , began to stroke Lai's fingers carefully. Nobody has done this before, Lai's heart began to pump fast, he cuddled "C"' from behind, "you know, you are such a nice sweet guy", Lai said.

They talked quite a while, "C" said he just told his parents he might be gay, the response was not good. "C" seems even more less experienced than Lai, He still struggled to accept his sexuality. possibly only meet guys occasionally for a wank at most. when they finally heading to bed, "C" suddenly said, "I am not sure about this now, can we just cuddle naked?" Lai is a little annoyed, as he is already rock hard downstair. "I am not sure about this gay thing", "C" try to explain.

When Lai took off his top, "C" said, "Oh, you have a little belly now". "Yes," Lai said, " I told you i am bulking". Lai is naturally skinny, he also does not have big appetite, he worked very hard to put on size. However after 5 years 72kg, 10% body fat lean look, he is really tired. He hated the weight never goes up, no matter how hard he worked in the gym. Thus he tried to bulk up, force himself to eat. Soon he noticed he was making great progress. He gained a lot of size everywhere, everybody now noticed how muscular he is when he wears his t-shirt. " I do not know you do bodybuilding", his colleagues began to comment a lot.

Of course he will put on some fat as well. All bodybuilders do, they put on size at first, then they cut down to be lean. It is too difficult to achieve lean and mass at same time, after 5 years trying , Lai finally gave up. He explained this to "C", who seems did not understand, " I do not know why you want to get fat, i do not need whatever bulking.. " "yeah, maybe you have good genetic then, so you are lucky...OK then, i will send you a pic 3 months later, you will understand then". Lai promised.

All these conversation seems really does not help.."Can we just cuddle?""C" asked, Lai is not happy, "we intent to meet for sex, don't you remember? " "who said that?" "C" asked. " I messaged you for coffee a few times, you ignored me, but once i asked you for hook up, you jumped on immediately", "I think there is misunderstanding. When you message me first a few times, I was not in London. so I did not answer. I actually prefer meet guys for coffee first, know each other gradually. Anyway, there must be misunderstanding." "C" try to explain.

They decided to go to sleep, as there is a single bed, Lai has to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bad. "C" came , hugged him and gave him a kiss, "Thanks a lot to come to see me, you will not do anything to me while i am sleeping then?"

"OK", Lai laughed, "You have my words, i will not rape you when you sleep".

Lai has difficulty to sleep in a new environment. He tossed and turned a lot try to manage some sleep, he noticed "C" seems have problem too ,but both of them try to keep quiet. In early morning, Lai was woken up by the neighbour upstairs, the floor seems too thin and made a lot of noisy when someone walking. Lai got up and sit on the floor, he has to wait until 6 am for the first train back home. He sit there watching "C" sleeping. "C" turned around and sleeping on his tummy. Lai had never seen any adult men sleeping like this before. To his amusement, in gay porn, bottom guys always sleep ing like this on purpose, to invite tops to bang them. Lai smiled, "What a lovely guy. i guess he does not know that". Strangely, Lai did not think anything sexually, he just want to cuddle "C", "He is a great wife material", Lai think.

The following a few days, Lai think about "C" a lot, if he shagged "C" like other guys, he might soon forget about "C". But this time, something happened. He even did not know should he bulk like before or not. In only two days, he lost 3 kg. he did not know he should be glad or sad. If he carry on like this, he will soon back to his lean nice look, but all his bulking plan will be messed up. but if he keep following his plan, "C" will think he is fat. Lai did not know what to do now.


He decide to write "C" a message. Soon he got the reply. To his surprise,"C" behaves quite cold, he wished Lai good luck and told him, he got the job in China and will move to Shanghai this week. Lai checked his profile, yes, the location already changed to Shanghai, that is quick.

"Damn," Lai think, "That might be my future wife. Can not believe he just run away like this...Anyway,i will send him a picture 3 months later".

Guy "S"

"S" is the first oriental guy Lai slept with. Most oriental guys go for white guys, Latino guys, black guys, only except for oriental guys. Although Lai never limited himself this way, but he does seldom find himself attracted to other oriental guys. As he normally goes for muscular guys, and most oriental guys are very slim. Until he met "S".

"S" sent Lai a few messages when he was still in Thailand, Lai was not very keen at first, because "S" looks like a professional bodybuilder, too much muscle, more importantly, Lai think the pictures may be fake. One day, "S" suddenly told Lai, he moved to London now, and would like to meet. They began to chat and flirt on line. As "S"'s profile said he is a top, Lai is a little hesitated, so he tested. "If I visit you next week, how will you treat me? will you cook me dinner or offer me your arse?LOL "cheeky Lai. Soon the MSG returned, " I will cook you dinner, and you can have me as dessert." "Great answer", Lai smiled.

They met on a Sunday, "S" is also the first guy Lai dated who is shorter than him. However, Lai is very impressed by "S"'s muscle size and masculinity. To Lai's surprise, "S"is actually a British citizen, so he comes to London every three years to renew his status, this time he want to find a job and stay here.

They soon hang out like old friends, had lunch in Chinatown then headed to "S"'s place, "S" rent a small room in a house with his gay landlords. The room is so small, they have to squeeze in the single bed to browse those album of "S" ,full of pictures taken when he partied in every countries, everything single picture is full of half naked muscle man, and interestingly, "S" only like oriental guys, no matter how good looking a white guy is, he just ignored them. "why is that?" Lai asked, "Do not know, just do not find them attractive", "you are a strange guy", Lai commented.

Suddenly "S" moved closer and kissed Lai, as Lai was concentrating on those hot pictures, he did not expect that. Soon it lead to sex, but do not know why, Lai can not get hard, no matter how "S" tried to please him. "Maybe you do not fancy me then", "S" is very disappointed, "Do not be silly, i think i just wank too much this week. next time i am sure you will have good time".

It is very true, next time, Lai banged "S" nearly an hour, and they broken the single bed twice. "S" was a little worried. "what are we going to do? Do i have to buy a new bed for the landlord? i will talk to him first", "I can pay for it"Lai volunteered, as he felt guilty.

As "S" is the first guy Lai shagged who is smaller than him, Lai found there are a lot of fun he never experienced before, he can move "S" around a lot, carry him to try different positions. "You scared me", "S" complained sometimes. " there is blood coming out of my arse...". Poor "S", but Lai know "S" acutally enjoy that.

They began to meet regularly, but they soon found they do not share many common interests. all they can do is sex, go out to eat something, then back have more sex. Lai can tell, "S" is a new bottom, as he have to teach "S" what a bottom should do. and "S" seems a good student, improving fast.

Sometimes Lai get jealous, as "S" get so many messages from very hot guys on gaydar asking for sex, "why you ignore him?" "I do not like white guys, told you before", "S"answered, "man, i am dying to have sex with those kind of guys", Lai said, " I know, you are a proper slut, but you got me now", "S" joking.


"S" like Lai very much, Lai can tell, "S" try to introduce Lai to all of his friends, which Lai think a little too soon. One time, "S" has to beg Lai to go to dinner as his friends is leaving this country.
Lai does not know why, "they are not my friends, and i possibly will never meet they again in my life, why should i go to meet them? you can go there, i will wait you in the shop." But no matter what happened, finally "S" always can persuade Lai to meet all his friends, straight or gay.

when Lai was away, "S" messaged him a lot. "Love you, your wife is missing you.... "Lai smiled, "how sweet" he think. "S" will tell everyone on the phone when Lai visit him, "Oh, my husband is here today, so i can not go out with you..." Lai found that sweet and amusing.

Every time Lai visit "S", if only two of them were in the house, "S" behave normally. But if his gay landlords or someone else is there, "S" then like to show some public affection. He will suddenly sit on Lai's lap, begging for kiss like a spolied girl. Considering "S" is a very masculine man, these kinda behaviour did surprised Lai.

Gradually, they began to argue a lot. sometimes, a tiny problem will trig it. Lai noticed he is very easy to lose temper with "S", as "S" seems really know how to push the button. every time "S" is the one apologise, even the last time, "S" is back to Thailand, Lai ignored him for a few weeks, "S" still sent MSG, "I do not know why, i just miss you so much......can we still be friends?"

"Yes, of course, I will always be your friends." Lai answered, "Shame, we just do not get on." ""Really? thank you so much..."S" is very happy, he said "i will back to London in 3 years, i will look for you then".

Guy "E"

"E" is the only guy Lai had bareback sex with. As Lai is not very experienced, and very traditional guy, and he is quite frightened by some crazy things in gay sex.Why he tried BB sex ?

So why gay men have BB sex?

BB sex is hot, that is very true. If you watch some good BB gay porn, you will soon understand. Does BB sex feels physically good? or just for psychology reason? Possibly, the top feels more control of the bottom, as he can show his ownship of that butt by proudly leaving his seed. For bottom, they feels great when they can totally give themselves to the top. Of course BB sex is risky, so if you want to try, be very careful about your partner. Thus, from other point of view, sometimes BB sex is a way to show love and trust between gay men. There are quite a few real life couples in gay porn, who only do BB sex with their real partner, some even insist when the producers want them to use condom. As they only do it with their love ones, nobody else.

Lai also remembered he read the autobiography of a very famous gay bodybuilder, who had BB sex with his real life husband when they first met. He wrote, "the love is just so strong, it happened so naturally, no one mentioned that". And he wrote, "if i really got it from him, i think , i would not mind, i can die with him..."

wow, when Lai read this," That is kinda stupid, but damn romantic". He think, "when i find my man one day, i will screw him BB every single night". He laughed.


But Lai never expect his BB sex happen so quick. He met "E" on gaydar. on "E"'s profile pic, a tall naked muscle guy holding a rugby ball smiling, "he looks nice, wow, 6 feet 4, big boy"Lai think. They then chatted a few months before they finally met.

"E" work for the best college in the UK, the students normally comes from royal families . When they talking on the phone, the only thing Lai can remember is "E"'s bright and frank laugh, "he must be an optimist"Lai think.


They met in "E"'s flat, that is lovely flat, very well decorated, full of beautifully designed small gadget. There are tons of grooming products in the bathroom which can make any woman feel sorry for themselves. Damn, Lai think, "this is really a gay man's flat." "E" is a lovely guy, wearing a tight vest to show off his pec, he is possibly the best kisser Lai came across, they cuddled on the sofa shared the longest kiss Lai have ever had.

"E" is a very honest guy, he admitted immediately he take steroids to Lai, "yeah, i want to get bigger and ripped", "you are not scare of get side effects?" Lai asked, "Yes, i know, but i know what i want". he answered.

That night when they cuddle naked in bed, those kisses really lightened up Lai's libido, he turned the big guy around, rub around his backside, "No No , do not do that". "why ?" Lai asked "I just do not want to do it now""E" refused. Lai is a little disappointed, he turned around and kept silent.

After a while, "E" cuddled him from behind, "Are you angry?" "Not really, i just disappointed. i thought you liked me". "I do like you, actually i like you very much. but i just do not think we should have sex so quick".

Lai is like a spoiled child going to lose his favorite toy. He keep cold as he could.... "Alright alright, if you really want it, let's do it, but i even do not have condoms, i just did not plan for sex today. if you really want, you have to fuck me bareback".

Lai did not expect that, but the idea immediately made him rock hard. "Are you safe? ","yes, i test every two months, and i have never done BB sex before. how about you?" "Me? i have not slept with anyone nearly a year, and last time i tested, i am fine". They decided to go for it. The sex was great. It just felt so good, soon they move on the floor, then move to every single room of the flat.

The following week, Lai got message from "E". "I just come back from the doctor regular check, everything is clear, so fill me up this weekend again baby". Lai laughed. However , for some reason, except physically, Lai did not feel very attached to him, when weekend is coming, "E"will txt Lai some saucy message, then Lai head to "E"'s place to spend some great time.

One day when Lai sitting on the sofa, browsing "E"' fashion magazines, oh, yeah, "E"' collected them, everywhere, Lai was shocked at first time when he see it, although he is very arty man, but he never quite into so called fashion.

"mmm, this guy is really handsome" Lai pointed out a male model on the magazine, "which one? yeah, he is alright. actually i think you are better looking than him". "Haha, do not be silly". Lai laughed. "I am serious", "E" said, "You just need a haircut, a good one. tell you what, i will take you to the best shop have a haircut in Xmas, it is all on me".

Lai was surprised, he does not know what to say, it is only August, Is not Xmas too far to talk about? who knows what will happen at that time. However, poor Lai had never got any Xmas present after he moved to the UK. " That is so sweet", Lai think.

However, things turned downhill soon. one weekend, when Lai arrived, "E" suddenly, said "some of my friends want to meet you". Lai felt a little strange, "why? oh, they just curious., want to meet you." It was very late at night, Lai was really tired after travel, but he managed to have a good laugh with "E"'s friend. After they left, Lai told "E" do not do this anymore as he did not like it. "oh, sorry, i thought you will like meeting them, anyway, sorry about it". "E" apologized.

Then next visit. "what are we going to do this afternoon?" Lai ask, "Oh, mum will drive us to shopping center today, she live very close". "WHAT?" Lai did not expect that, he try to find some excuses to delay the shopping. But seems too late. Actually she is very nice old lady, they get on quite well. But deep down, Lai just think, "this is a little bit too much to handle".

one weekend, "E" did not txt, Lai did not come, soon they moves on.

A few months later, Lai got message from "E" again, "Hi baby, miss you, want to feel your spunk inside me". Actually that day, Lai was in very vulnerable stage, as he just been stood up by a time waster from gaydar, and he is horny as hell. Normally he will go for anyone with nice arse, but this time, instead, he said, "i am doing great, thanks".

Guy "A2"

A few years ago,Lai had a date with a very good looking hunky guy in London. He is a lawyer as Lai remembered. They got on quite well. Had dinner together. At that time Lai still studying in a town near London. "A2" told Lai he also got a PhD degree, thus he understand Lai'situation well, they had a good laugh about misery student life. Once Lai backd home, "A2" send him a message saying he really enjoy the date, would like to meet again if Lai visit London. Lai answered, "No problem, i still owe you a dinner, i will treat you next time".

However, when Lai visited London a few weeks later, he tried to contact "A2",but no response. Because this kind of things happened a lot in gay world, Lai did not think too much about it and soon he forgot about "A2".

A few years later, Lai was visiting a Chinese forum, he noticed a topic about gay marriage in a group called international marriage, which full of Chinese girls marriedguys from every countries. That gay topic caught his eyes, on one hand, he was very glad about some gay man can be so brave and openly talked his private life there. On the other hand, He found something uncomfortable, as this guy began to show off how good looking his partner is, how rich he is, just bought a million pounds house near Hyde park, to Lai's shock, he even said something like, if his partner died, the house will belong to him... Those girls all got excited and ask him to post some pictures, and he did so. When Lai open the picture, he was shocked, he immediately recognized his partner is "A2", the guy Lai met in London a few years ago. They got married last year.

Lai suddenly feel slightly jealous, he think, i should feel happy for them, but why am i jealous? what i am jealous about then? the house? the hunk? or the marriage? Maybe the marriage... Yes, maybe he just got everything he want so quick, lucky bastard, Lai laughed.

That Chinese guy actually went to same university as Lai. He said in last 4 years he slept with about 200 guys, had 4 serious relationship, and finally found his perfect husband.

This made Lai thinking, "How many guys i slept in last 5 years?" May be less than 20? "Should i be a slut first to find Mr Right?" Lai puzzled...

Guy "A"

Lai met "A" on a small website, "A" is a dutch businessman, working as marketing manager of a very famous international company. He is in his late thirty, very career focus. They chat regularly. Almost every single week, Lai will get a very long message from "A". It is always very well written, normally they talking about work, "A" give Lai a lot of career wise advice, as he worked hard to get his currently position. Occasionally "A" talked about his personal life, he feels lonely once he has some free time. When Lai feeling down, "A" always encourage him, cheer him up. They keep this kinda of email communication nearly two years, sometimes "A" call Lai on the phone, just to hear his voice..

Then "A" sent Lai some photos of him, on those picture, he is only in a small short, showing off his hard gym work. Lai can not understand why "A" can not find a boyfirend. He is good looking, has nice job and seems really a decent guy. Gradually, Lai began to know more about "A". For some reasons, "A" is only attracted to oriental guys, and he is more bottom sexually, which made him difficult to find someone in his country. Lai began to flirt to "A" sometimes, and he seems really enjoy it. one day,as Lai joking , asked for a naked picture.

Soon he got it, a very exposed picture, "A" is bending over towards a wall., a nice bubble butt perfectly showing off. Lai had seen many adult pictures on gaydar, but this one is different, it is from "A", which made all the difference.

The following day, Lai got the message from "A", "Did i offend you, Lai? if i did, i am really really sorry", "A" asked nervously. "Not at all", Lai answered, "I was actually quite turned on, i had three wanks last night watching your pic. ha ha", "A" is relieved.

"A" began to invite Lai to visit him in Amsterdam. As Chinese need to apply visa to go there, Lai can not be bothered. but "A" keep trying. "Everything will be on me, you only need to pay the flight ticket. You can stay in the spare room if you want," he added. but Lai still find other excuses.

Finally,"A" said, "I often visit London for business, do you want to meet up there then?" Lai agreed. When Lai was waiting at Waterloo station. He saw this tall handsome white guy rushed in, anxiously looking around and try to catch up his breath. "This must be him," Their smiles met, then they heading to the nearby restaurant.

During the whole dinner, Lai's impression is , "What a gentleman," Lai had never come across anyone like "A" before, "too polite...", Lai thinks, when the bill comes, as the restaurant can not accept "A"'s American Express card, Lai handed his visa card, "No , no, please, I have some cash, i changed at the airport", "A" insisted with a red face, "You are still student, how can you!".

Then they head to a gay bar, Kudos, Lai has been their a few time, he was told this bar is mostly for oriental guys. when they sit in the corner enjoying some beer, Lai said, "Do you know, "I" used to work here, when he was 17" "Really?" "A" know the story about "I", "Yes, 20 years ago", they laughed.

The bar closed quite early, around 11.So they have to head back, although both of them still have a lot to chat. "Do you have to get up early tomorrow?" "A" asked, "No," Lai answered, "Me neither". Lai is too stupid to understand what this means, "A" is just too polite to ask for him to go back to his hotel. Finally they kissed goodbye.

The following week, Lai got the long message from "A" as usual, "You are much bigger than i expected, Lai, esp. your chest, you know, i stare at your chest whole night... "Lai laughed, "Really? i did not notice that". Soon they back to normal email communication as before. A few weeks later, "A" suddenly asked, "Lai, i really want to ask you something, are you physically attracted to me or not?" Lai did not know how to response, "why he suddenly ask me this? "Lai think,"Why he ask me this after 3 weeks?"

Lai answered, "I do not think i will met anyone i feel so physically attracted as "I" any more, but you are a nice good looking fellow, great body, we maybe should give it a try?.. " "A" was too disappointed by this answer, he said," I am only try it with someone really into me, maybe we could keep as friends then". " Fair enough", Lai think, he is also a little shocked, he was just trying to tell the truth. He did not feel that kind of strong physical attraction as that from "I" , but he think it will never happen any more, as that is his first love.

The following two weeks, "A" still keep sending long message as usual, but Lai lost interest, he did not respond. Finally, the message stopped coming.

Occasionally Lai think about "A", "How is him doing now?" He checked "A"'s profile, he is in Vietnam now for a long business trip, will be back in 2009. Lai think, "Good for him, he might find a nice bf there". However, when Lai checked last month. "A" still in Vietnam. Lai think, "Maybe i was a little rude last time to ignore his message? he is such decent guy. maybe i should contact him? if only he back to Europe then".

Guy "D"

Lai met "D" on gaydar, then they chatted on msn for quite a few months. At that time, Lai tried to recover from breaking up with "I", "D" just broke up with his long time partner as well . So they have a lot to talk about. "D" is a very fit Italian guy. His profile is full of professional pictures. "D" told Lai he used to be a model and he does acting as well. Soon they set up a date to meet up.


When they finally meet up for coffee, "D" suddenly said, "I know "I" ,we used to be friends, we even had 3p before.. ", "What?"Lai was shocked, what a small world.

"D" told Lai a lot about "I" . Yes, "I" used to hangout around gay scene a lot, but then he suddenly disappeared, nobody knows why, they have not seen him for quite a while., bla blabla... As a lot of detail were matched , Lai know "D" did not lie.

"D" lives in a council flat, there are many nude male pictures hanging on the wall. "Who is this?" Lai asked, pointed to one picture, "Oh, that is me, 10 years ago", Dan laughed. "I used to be a model". "D" showed Lai a lot of pictures, most for calendar, postcard, magazine etc. full of his pictures. One of them made Lai laugh, "Best butt of 1993", that cover basically is "D"'s butt in a Levis jean,"See, this is my name"."D" pointed out the small print underneath the picture proudly.

"D" is a very experienced gay man, in and out of relationships, he just got divorced from his partner recently. To Lai's surprise, "D" seems does not work, every time Lai visited him, they got up at late morning, then went to a park after brunch, it felt great when you lying on the grassland enjoy the sunshine, but you cannot do that everyday, can you? It is totally different experience from "I", as "I" can not sit down for one minute, he has to do something, to some extent, this did motivate Lai in many ways. Lai learned a lot from "I", he respect people like "I".

However, with "D", things are totally opposite. Everything is in slow monition. Soon Lai found out, as "D" getting older, he can not get enough jobs as model and actor as before, thus he struggle about his finance. But he refused to do any normal jobs, which Lai can not understand. Gradually "D" told Lai a lot, his real age is 44, which really shocked Lai, as "D" look like a 25 years old, "How did you manage that?" "No idea, i think it is genetic, all my friends call me 'Peter Pan'". "D" not only did modeling, he used to be a stripper as well, and he even did gay porn. Lai is stunned. He did not think he will go out with "D" if he know this beforehand. As Lai really look down on guys who sell their bodies. If a girl did that, he might understand, she need to survive. But how can a man do that? "I would rather clean a toilet." Lai commented. "Yeah, there are a lot of reasons, you just have not been there yet." "D" seems quite proud of his experience, he even showed Lai a private tape which features one of his ex, a now famous Falcon gay porn star send to him as a gift.

But this experience did change some ideas for Lai, he know "D" is a nice fellow, although a lot happened before, deep down he is very romantic, dying for his Mr. Right. Physically, Lai does like "D" and the sex is great. Actually, Lai should thank "D" for boost his confidence. As Lai always worried that oriental guys normal do not have big tool as white guys, someone so experienced like "D" should be difficult to be pleased sexually. However, once in bed, things are totally out of expectation, "D" has to beg him to stop," i can not take it any longer.. ""D" complained, "My arse is broken," "How come? you slept with some big guys i think.." "yeah, i know, but i can not take it so long, it is already 45 minutes now, it does not feel pleasure any more. Please give me a break, you horny rabbit!". Lai smiled, he was quite pleased about the nickname.

However, only physical attraction is not enough in a relationship, there is something missing. Lai really did not like the way "D" live his life, way too negative. Meanwhile, there are many small things bother him as well.

When they just knew each other for a few weeks, "D" walked him off to the train station. "D" wanted Lai to kiss him in the public. Lai refused, " I can not do that, even when i was with my girl friend, i can not do that. I do not want public attention". "Yes, but i am Italian, we are full of passion". "That is right, but i am Chinese, we do not like to show off our emotion, if i love someone, why i have to show it to public? there are tons of ways to prove my love".


Anyway, argue like this happened a lot. when they were sitting in park, "D" want to take some pictures, so he asked Lai to take off the top, thus everyone were staring these two naked muscle man cuddling in a park. Consider Lai just accepted his sexuality, as a natural shy person, this does made him uncomfortable. He did all "D" want, but he just feel awkward.

Soon these kind of argue happened more and more, finally Lai think he had enough, they broke up. "I do not know why you are so attached to "I", i am far better looking than him","D" said. Well, Lai can not explain, but to some extent, Lai feel relived, it is finally over.

A few years later, when Lai was updating his msn profile pictures, he suddenly got msg from "D", maybe those half naked sexy pictures caught his attention. However, all Lai want to do it is be polite and say hello.

Guy "I"

There is a scar On Lai's right hand, which remind him Guy "I" .


"I" is the first guy Lai fallen in love with, thus there is always a place belong to him in Lai's heart. Lai meet "I" on a very small website. Even today, Lai can still vividly remembered the first time he saw "I" 's pic on his profile. "I" wears a cowboy hat half naked sitting on the beach, smiling..

"what a handsome guy, what a torso",Lai think, "he is possibly the hottest guy on this site". Which is very true, that small site is full of 40 something guys who are out of shape. Lai made some nice friends there, but that is first time he saw someone so physically attractive there.

"well, guys like that will never interested in me", Lai think.

However, ten minutes later, Lai got a message, "Hi, how are you mate? I am "I" , interested?".

15 minutes later, they were chatting on the phone, happily laughing, like old friends. They soon set a date to meet up. As that time, Lai still lives in a town outside London, and "I" has to visit his family for Xmas.

A few days late, Lai got a message on his phone, it is from "I" . " Hi Lai, please give me a call sometimes,i miss you very much..."

It made Lai's heart feels melting, he think,"God, i am going to fallen in love...".


On the day they met, Lai was nervously waiting at the tube station. he was a little surprised when "I" shown up in his running gear. Forgot to mention, "I" is a crazy sport fan. He gets up at 5am everyday running for one hour, goes to gym after finishing work. In weekends, he is busy training for Marathon.

"You are very handsome! " this is the first thing "I" said to Lai. He tried to comb his hair with hands in the reflection of a car, hoping Lai will like his look as well. "Thanks," Lai blushed, he is very shy, esp. in front of such a sexy man.

They went to have coffee, "I" winked to Lai a lot, flirting, but Lai does not how to response. He just keep smiling, very quiet.

Soon Lai found himself sitting in the sofa of "I" s' flat. He was really impressed by the tidiness of the flat, it just does not like a single man's flat, too clean, everything... "I" even put his TV in a cupboard, which really amused Lai.

When "I" began to strok Lai's arm, Lai nervously sit there, did not know how to respond. He never experienced this before. Suddenly he said," Should we go to bed instead?", " Are you sure?"

Soon they were naked, "You got very nice body", "I" said, "just need a little extra work you will be smoking hot". "Thanks, i hope i can have a body like yours", Lai said.

"I" invited Lai to join him, but Lai stood there, does not know what he should do, although he watched quite a lot of gay porn, he had no successful gay sexual experience at all.

"No, move done, done a little bit", "I" teaching him. He changed into different positions, looking at Lai and encouraging him to try. Finally it worked, staring at "I" 's six pack, all Lai think is, " Maybe i am not gay, otherwise why i do not feel any physical pleasure shagging such a sexy man? "

A while later, "I" asked to stop, "It really hurts," he said, "you know, i have not done this for ages. Can you cuddle me for a while?" Soon "I" fallen asleep in Lai's hug. He snored slightly, simling. Lai did not sleep, he watched that handsome face lying on his arm, felt he is the happiest man in the world...

"Do you want to meet again?" "Absolutely," "I" kissed Lai, "will you be my fuck buddy?"Lai is stunned, he did not know exactly what that means, but he can guess.

In the following weeks, Lai just can not get "I" out of his mind, he constantly thinking about him, finally he decide to write him a letter, it cost three days to write. Soon "I" answered, told him not to rush into anything, take things slowly. He suggest Lai to experience the gay world, meet more guys, have more sex, do not confuse sex with love.

However Lai grows up in totally different culture, he knows nothing about gay relationship at all. As a romantic person, he began to treat "I" as his girl friend, he naively think, like a guy meet a girl, if they like each other, then they become bf and gf, they will not date anyone else, until things work out finally. He took all the chance to express his love towards "I", wrote him love poem, bought him gift, staring at his eyes when they having dinners. Soon he noticed, unlike those girls, "I" began to avoid him.

One day, "I" suddenly said, "you know, i really like you. and i was really flattered you like me, but i just think it is too quick, i think we should stay as friends, meet regularly but i do not think i will have sex with you any more, i am afraid you will go too far, i do not want to hurt you. If one day i suddenly left, what will you do?"

Lai is very sad. at that time, he is just far too naive to understand gay relationship, he was deeply fallen in love.Actually, he never had such strong feeling towards anyone before, in his life.

In this relationship, Lai become the one who is weaker and weaker, he is too afraid to lose "I" . Meanwhile, culture difference also began to cause problems, as they grow up in different backgrounds, they began to argue a lot. What annoyed Lai most is, "I" never concede, Lai is the one stop the fight every time. Lai is really unhappy about this, but he think that may be the cost of love.

That day finally comes, after a nice dinner in "I" 's flat, they cuddled in sofa watching TV. Suddenly "I" said, "my shoulder hurts, can you give me a massage?" "Sure, my pleasure, "Lai is a keen massage student, as he just bought a DVD about how to massage for gay couples.

"I" laid down on his tummy. Lai began to massage every single muscle of his back, "Wow, you are really good, that feels so nice," "I" said, gradually, "I" began to moan slightly. After a while, Lai said, "Turn around, i gonna do the other side". "No!" "I" suddenly stood up, " You just want sex! i told you before, we should not have sex anymore, please leave, i will call you tomorrow."

Lai did not know what happened, but he noticed, "I" was aroused, maybe because the massage, Lai did not know what to say, he genuinely did not think about sex that day, it was just a massage. However, when "I" asked him to leave, Lai suddenly bursted. His face become extremely red, "Fine, maybe i am not good enough for you then! leave me alone, good luck !" He try to shake to "I"'s hand to say goodbye. It is the first time "I" see Lai so angry, he avoided the handshake, "Please do not be angry, i will walk you to the station".

They walked silently, when the bus come, Lai turned around and said, "So this is it...bye. " "Please do not say that.""I" tried. Lai got on the bus, told himself not to look back...suddenly tears dropped, although he try to hold himself.

"I" sit at the bus stop sadly, after the bus left ...

The following day, "I" called, "Hi baby, are you alright now?" However, Lai was still upset, after all the effort he put, he was deeply hurted. As more argue went on..."I" said, "it is just too much pressure". Finally, they decided not call each other any more.

Lai went to the kitchen, cut a mark on his right hand, this will remind him what gay man is like, remind him his first gay love.

Now looking back, Lai really laughed at himself. People really do stupid things when they are in love, he can understand "I"'s behavior a lot now, esp. after he was put into the same positions a few times later. He missed "I" a lot in the first a few months. All his friends think he was just obsessed about "I", one said, "You actually do not love him, you just love the feeling to be in love with someone!" Lai think, "Is that true?" Maybe, but he wonder he will love someone like that any more.

However, time is the best cure. He soon moved on with his life. A few years later, he come across "I"'s gaydar profile. Lai recognized "I". He staring at those pictures, "Is this the man i used to love?" "I"aged a lot. He seems lost a lot weight, his muscle shrink a lot, like a totally different person...

Lai looked at that familar face, suddenly tears dropped...